It’s not fun being the fiftieth wheel at a Party! 
Ahhhhh Yes!!!!
It’s that time again…. The neighborhood streets get clogged with Passover dinner traffic good Friday somber and The Christmas counterpart… Easter Bar-b-Q- egg-hunt extravaganza!
Yes a time to watch the kids play, the husband grill and my mother-in-law praising my inadequacies in phrases she can only design to be….. Nonchalant!
All I have to say is Bologna!!!!! This year I’m going to kick my husband’s sorry ass out of the grill and I’m going to make reservations at a restaurant… even if I have to go to Burger King I am not going to entertain anything at my house other than the termites that snuck in during raining season….. Do they ask to be served? No … do they talk too much? No, they’re too busy eating the supporting beams of my house (bless their sorry little souls…soon to be dead souls next Tuesday when “Terminex” will wipe them out in just a couple hours).
I had the pleasure of being invited to one of my daughter’s play-pals Easter egg hunt one year. I didn’t know anyone there. All the women wore little yellow sleeve-less dresses in 45 degree weather and wondered why I had the audacity to wearing corduroy slacks with a polo turtleneck. I’m sorry…. I will not pretend spring has sprung if it decided to arrive late. They went in the pool! Their complexions resembled a bottle of “Dasani” water locked up in a Coca-Cola cooler.
Anyway, my husband couldn’t make it…. He was away with his brother on a retreat his mother booked for them to bond on Pool, Eat, Scratch, Eyes,Announces (another discussion, another day, but just on a side-bar… Didn’t they have that growing up?). A short stalk-ish guy ( looked like a George in Sienfeld ) comes up to me and ask if I’d come alone and how did I know the family; this guy’s making a Pass at me! So, I get rid of him by acting like my daughter needs me at the slide…
Shortly there after , this blonde-bombshell with big hair, a New Jersey accent and pair of heels the size of the Empire State building sidles up to me as well (she looked like Loni Anderson meets Marissa Tomei), she was really really sweet. She introduced my daughter to her little boy he’s so cute I say…..and then…… (In a New Jersey accent) “He is cute isn’t he? Just like his Dad… I just want to eat him up! My husband is the most handsome, gorgeous, beautiful man in the world, if I even remotely CATCH a woman next to him I will scratch her eyes out!” Oh wow! I tell her… so he must be like a Tom Cruise, or a George Clooney? “Oh Yeah… He’s really HOT… he works out and has the body of a Greek God!”
The Hostess approaches the swing set and announces brunch is served… we make our way to the buffet when the heavy set George Costanza looking guy approaches and I’m thinking Oh my baby Jesus…. And then….
“Honey!!!!” the blonde-bombshell shrieks “this is my new FRIEND…This is my Gorgeous Husband!!”
Oh My…….
I love Easter, don’t get me wrong ….. I just hate the social aspects of it! 
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