Tax time boys and girls!!!!!!!
You heard of “Crack is Wack?” (If you haven’t, look up Keith Haring)
Well TAX is WACK!
So I’m at the accountant’s office and he tells me I have to pay almost a thousand dollars….
I ask him… How’s that? Last year I had a refund and I made twice as much and I had a refund 3 times the amount of what I have to pay?
He chuckles and says… You worked less this year so you paid less withholding in taxes so you now have to pay more…… SOMEONE! PLEASE EXPLAIN! I’m working LESS? SO I PAY? MORE??????
Beside me, sits a woman in a Canary yellow suit, a pink diamond ring, an original Chanel briefcase with matching shoes (by the way they say “matchy- matchy” isn’t “in” anymore), AND, she’s paying less taxes than me, mind you, she will receive 5 times more than I got back last year (that’s when I got the BIG one, refund, that is)….. LOL… OK That’s IT!
I’m buying a whole new wardrobe for my new job (a deduction under my business expenses), a Mary Kay pink Cadillac, and two barking Chihuahuas in a Louis Vuitton bag to complete the look…That should do it…. That alone will cut my taxes by good 75%!!!!!!
My accountant’s Cuban…. I got there at 7am…. I didn’t get out till 2:45pm…. NO, he wasn’t with me the whole time…. it’s the day before taxes… hundreds of people in line (it looked like the line around Radio City Music Hall when the Rockettes do their Christmas show! His helpers were so rifled they were handing out shots of Cuban coffee to the “Fainters!” If you didn’t faint you got little tea crackers, or Little Debbies! On top of that …. It’s Cuban time…. What? What’s that you say… you don’t know about Cuban Time? Let me “esplain”…..
Cuban time is the time it takes you to get somewhere multiplied by the time it takes you to get ready multiplied by 4 to the 10th degree on steroids if you couldn’t buy Crack from your dealer that week…. That’s the time it will take you to see the accountant… then when you see him… he’s on another time meter…. criminal time; NO, NOT because he’s a crook- he’s actually very sweet and charges a really reasonable rate- but because he is so fast only a criminal could beat him….Criminal time is …. The time it takes a crook to hold up a convenience store divided by 10….. That’s the length of time it took him to figure out my taxes… roughly? Hmmmmm
2 seconds! The guy’s a genius…. It just takes a long time to see him….. 
I LOVE my CUBAN ACCOUNTANT! Please, don’t tell him I wrote this!
(Please note- this is fiction and fun! It’s meant in good fun and not to be taken seriously!)
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